Pep Talk: Being Afraid (and doing it anyway!)
We all face barriers in life. Things that keep us from our dreams, our goals. But what do we do when those barriers come from ourselves? What are we so afraid of? This is a pep talk: for you, for me, for all of us.
Where do personal barriers come from?
Personal barriers are typically psychological barriers that keep us from pursuing a dream or idea we have. It’s a form of self-doubt that impedes our potential for growth and success. But the origin is not self-sabotage; these are walls that we have built throughout our lives to protect ourselves from perceived harm. In our society, the concept that self-worth and success are synonymous is so heavily emphasized that the fear of failure stops many in their tracks.
I want to challenge this notion.
Fight or Flight or Freeze
Let’s take a step back and ask a question that is rarely asked: what is wrong with failure? If you fail, what happens?
Okay, yes, in some cases failure can be very bad. If your life is on the line, if you’ve made a substantial and irreversible investment, or if your failure could stand to harm others… This is something you should take seriously.
In my experience, however, most of us are afraid of the small things. We’re afraid of launching a blog or a YouTube channel, we’re afraid of applying for a job that’s outside our educational background or level of experience, we’re afraid of sharing something we have created with others. Heck, I get anxious when I have to cook for other people (what if they don’t like it). In essence, we are afraid of feeling vulnerable. We are afraid of being judged. We don’t know what the outcome will be, so rather than try and fail we do not try at all.
My therapist asked me recently “is being frozen better than fighting?” I sat in silence as I processed this question. Being frozen, doing nothing, feels safe because I know what the outcome will be. Fighting comes with unknowns – I can win or I can lose. Fighting is uncertain. Fighting is scary.
The shame of failure
“Failure” encompasses many things. For me, there is a significant fear that people will not like what I create. There is a potential for shame attached to it that weighs on me. There are many spaces where I feel safe to be myself, but my confidence crumbles when I am put in an unfamiliar situation.
What I know to be true, however, is that you literally cannot please everyone. No matter how safe or conservative your approach, there will inevitably be someone who thinks you suck. Some people take the approach of appealing to the masses. The more people who like you, the more success you will have. But these people are crushed by the weight of one negative comment, and contort their image in order to protect themselves from having this happen again.
This is why doing what you believe in is crucial to success. You cannot please everyone, we know this. So instead of trying to appeal to the masses, you really need to hone in on what you love and what makes you you. It takes a certain amount of strength to be proud of what you do regardless of what other people say. I challenge you to go for it anyway. No one is free of haters, and I can’t promise that you will be immune to their comments. But you can liberate yourself of the amount of impact their negativity has on you.
Go for it!
I truly believe that we all deserve to at least try. Once you are able to better understand where your barriers come from, you can have the conversation with yourself: what really happens if I fail? Life is too short to stay frozen in fear of other people’s opinions. Break down those barriers, get uncomfortable and try.
As I wrote this blog post, I realized that I had been holding myself back from trying something new because of my fears. Instead of staying frozen, I used it as a starting point for my new YouTube channel!